Genie in a Bottle
by ronsparkles
Summary: COMPLETED! Hermione's a genie, but she never told anybody, not even her friends. Her secret is threatened, however, when Colin Creevey blackmails her and demands wishes (think "Superstar" Buffy). Malfoy and Hermione switch bodies, thanks to a wish.
1. Hermione

**_Author's Notes: Hey, all. I'm feeling inspired. So, guess what! Another HP fanfic to please you all. Hehehe. It's going to be awesome. It's something a bit....ok...a lot different then my 1st fic, but I think you'll like it. I don't know how long it will be, or if I'm going to continue it or not..._**

_Genie in a Bottle_

Ever since Hermione told Ginny her secret, things have been really awkward. It was the start of their 6th year at Hogwarts, and they were enjoying—well, not quite—their dinner together. Hermione had owled Ginny, whom she thought would understand, and she never really got a response. Hermione, being stubborn, decided that she would just move on and if Ginny didn't want to be supportive or talk about it she didn't have to be. But now, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was starting a fresh year.

"So, Mione," Ron grinned.

"What, Ron," she asked, knowing perfectly well what he was about to say.

"Gonna join the team, then?"

"Ron," Harry interrupted, "you're off your rocker if you think Mione is going to join the Quidditch Team." Then he added in a hushed voice, "You know what a wimp she is when it comes to flying."

"I heard that!" she snapped and slammed down her empty chalice that used to hold her pumpkin juice.

"You should cut her some slack, Ickle Ronnykins," Ginny laughed.

"Don't call me that!"

"Hey Hermione," Ginny drawled out the first few words for effect and to get a rise out of Ron. "Did you know that Ron—"

"That's quite enough, Ginny," Harry said very sternly, you wouldn't want Ron spilling some of your secrets, trust me."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?!" Ginny glared. "You sound like you already know something you shouldn't..." Harry let a mischievous grin slip.

"Hey, Mione. How come you've been so quiet during our "spill each other's secrets" party?" laughed Ginny. Hermione's face noticeably blanched as she kicked a bewildered looking Ginny underneath the table and left the room.

"What was that about?" asked Harry.

"Beats me," Ginny said.

"Ron?" prompted Harry.

"Er—I don't know. PMS?" he suggested.

"Har har, very funny." Ginny reached out and slapped Ron in the back of the head.

"Hey, sweetie," a voice called from behind Ginny.

"Huh?" she asked as she turned around to face the source of the voice.

"Go away," Ron snarled, being very defensive of his only younger sister.

"Don't worry, Ron. I can handle a simple-minded, egotistical nark."

"Are you sure?" Harry asked. "Because I would really like to assist in beating up Malfoy."

"No, I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself." She stuck out her tongue at an angry Harry. Within the blink of an eye, Ginny pulled out her wand and had it directed at Draco's pale face. "Now, Draco, would you kindly remove your hideous face from my sight?"

"No." Draco took a step forward menacingly.

"Wrong answer." Ginny shouted a spell that made Malfoy break out in acne and send him flying out of the Great Hall, much like Hermione.

"Wicked!" Harry and Ron laughed in unison.

"You're too kind." Ginny curtsied dramatically.

"Hey," Ron interrupted, "maybe someone should go check on Hermione."

"I volunteer Ginny!" Harry shouted.

"She kicked me before she left...I don't think she wants to see me," Ginny explained, still confused about the reason she kicked her. "Harry?"

"Er—"Harry said, avoiding eye contact with them.

"I second that," Ron smiled cheerfully. "I've dealt with enough PMSing women." He noticeably looked at Ginny and received a pinching hex. Harry snickered and also got hexed by Ginny.

"Harry," Ginny begged, "would you please go?"

"No."

"HARRY JAMES POTTER GO SEE HOW YOUR FRIEND IS!"

"Fine." He sighed and left the table.

_**Author's Notes: ....**_

_**Next Chapter: We find out why she's a genie.**_

_**Future Events: What happens when someone gets a hold of the bottle?**_


	2. You're a Bloody Genie

**_Author's Notes: Ok, so, the first chapter sucked...but it'll get better and cooler, I'm going to develop this plot a bit more before I start spilling all of the secrets in the fic, k? So bear with me. PS: I don't own anything. R&R_**

Chapter Zwei (Two)

"Hermione?" Harry called, gingerly.

"What?" she snapped, turning around on the common room couch to face him.

"I—er—I was just wondering how you were doing."

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, you left in a bit of a huff at dinner..."

"There's nothing wrong, I was just tired."

"But," Harry protested, "you're going to miss the sorting.

"I've seen it."

"You're a prefect, you have to be there. Remember? You lead the scared ickle firsties to their common rooms." Hermione let out an exasperated sigh and got up from the couch.

"Fine. I'll go." She put on her shoes and she and Harry walked down the stairs and into the Great Hall, once again.

"Oy!" Ron shouted, motioning for them to hurry up and sit down.

"Hermione!" Ginny squealed. "I'm glad you came back down, we were getting worried.

"Sure, don't say 'hi' to me," Harry whined.

"Oh, deal with it," Ron laughed.

"Aw, hello, Harry. Would you care to join us?" Ginny smiled cheekily, and Harry took a seat as the Sorting began.

"Aronda, Antigone!" the small girl went up to the stool and placed the Sorting Hat on her head. It was only a matter of moments until the hat shrieked "Ravenclaw!" and the next student was called upon.

"Calondra, Oedipus!"

"Zinlag, Thebes!"

"This is boring," groaned Ron.

"I didn't even _want_ to come down here," Hermione complained, and motioned towards Harry, "he made me come down here."

"You know you love us." Harry grinned.

"Shut up." Hermione rolled her eyes. Finally, the sorting was over. "Well, that was a barrel of laughs. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to show the new Griffindors up to the common room. Bye." And with that, she left the room, followed by ten scared-looking youngsters. "Follow me!"

Hermione showed them all to the common room, and decided she would like to relax for a while, in her secret hiding place a.k.a. her real home. She dashed down the stairs and into the Room of Requirement. _My hiding place for my bottle...my hiding place for my bottle..._she thought as she ran down the hall and skidded to an abrupt halt as the door appeared out of nowhere. The room looked as if it were a labyrinth. There seemed to be endless amounts of removable floorboards, trap doors, etc. It was amazing Hermione managed to retain the knowledge of where she had hidden her bottle, but, of course, that 'came with the territory', so to speak. Hermione gingerly removed a large, red, hard-back book from the bookshelf and the bookcase split down the center and slid away, to reveal a miniscule table with a colorful genie bottle placed on top. "Ah," she sighed. "There you are." Hermione closed her eyes and almost instantaneously evaporated into a cloud of blue smoke and funneled into the opening of the bottle.

In the Bottle... 

_That's better. I hate being out there too long; it's so stressful. Finally, I can just relax and have some time alone._ Hermione was decked out in her "genie ensemble." She layed down on her blue and silver couch and immediately fell asleep.

Hermione woke up abruptly, not knowing how long she had been asleep. _Huh?_ _Oh my Merlin! Earthquaaaaakkkkkeeeee! _"AAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!" she screamed, but being as tiny as she was, nobody would be able to hear her anyway. _Oh yeah, I'm in my bottle...then what could be going on, I always hide the room as soon as I evaporate...OH NO!!! I forgot to do that before I fell asleep!!! Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no! Who's taking me?! _"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

_Out of the bottle..._

"I wonder what this bloody thing is..." sighed the Hogwart's student carrying Hermione's Bottle. "Maybe it'll make a nice gift to smooth things over with my girlfriend...she gets so pissed at me for no reason...bloody git!" he said to himself, while stepping into his common room. He then went straight up to his room and set it on his nightstand.

_In the bottle..._

"Oh jeez," Hermione sighed while pacing back and forth in her bottle. "Is he gone, yet? Does he know it's a Genie Bottle? Oh jeez." Hermione was starting to have a mental breakdown with all of the panic-stricken questions shooting through her head. "Should I risk leaving? What if he's still there?" But, not so lucky for her, she didn't have to decide because a certain guy was polishing what he thought was a nice vase for his girlfriend. Immediately, Hermione was summoned out of the bottle, without getting a chance to change back from the Genie outfit she was always forced to wear after entering the bottle.

_Duh...outside of the bottle..._

"What the—" he hollered, as a tackily-dressed 6th year went from being a blue smoke/fog to a fully solid Hermione. "Oh my Merlin—Hermione Granger?!"

"You?!" she gasped and stepped back, so that she was against the wall.

"Granger?!"

"How—how—how—! " she gaped.

"Bloody hell! I just went into the Room of Requirement and then I saw this vase and wait...why were you in the vase?" he asked stupidly.

"Er—"

"Wait a minute—that's not a vase—that's a bottle!" he shouted.

"Just—hold on—don't be rash—just—"

"You're a bloody _genie?!" _he gasped, in awe and disbelief.

"Well—er—be reasonable!" she pleaded.

"Just wait 'til I tell everyone! Just wait 'til I get my wishes! This is going to be a great year," he cackled.

_**Author's Notes: Don't you want to know who found it? Don't you? Well, you can vote. I have someone in mind, but I was thinking about making it another person...hehehe. You decide! BTW: short chapters, I know, but they'll get a lot longer once I get started. **_

_**Next Chapter: You find out who is Hermione's "master" and what will he do for his wishes? Will he ruin Hermione's life by telling her secret? Why is she a genie?**_

_**Future Events: Well...probably those things in that "Next Chapter" segment...they probably won't all go in the next chapter. Hehe. **_


	3. Blackmail

Author's Notes: What's so bad about peace, love, and understanding? Bush '04: 4 more wars. Let's all take a moment and mourn the loss of a great country. AT LEAST WE WON PA! Anyway, ok, this chapter...is going to be "a-some." Liz, you rock! Liz, aka Aquarius25 (read her stories) gave me the best idea for who gets the bottle. Hehehehe bwahahahahahaha. He he. Ok, so Bush won, the world is a living hell...but at least I can find hope in my fics. K? k. BTW, read Merwin092's story. It's funny. Haha. Leave it to mary.

Chapter Drei (Three)

"You can't tell anyone about this!

"Can you say 'blackmail'?" he laughed.

"Please, Colin, you're a Griffindor for Merlin's sake!"

"And I'm brave for holding this information against a "genie."

"You don't understand. No one can know about this," Hermione pleaded, her eyes glistening with unshed tears of frustration, fear, and anger (much like my reaction to the presidential election). What if he tells Ron or Harry? What if Dumbledore finds out? Oh no! I'll be shunned, thrown out!

"Hermione," Colin Creevy (sp) grinned maliciously, "I'll just make up a little list of demands and you can oblige them because you don't want anyone to find out about what you are."

"You can't prove anything!" she shouted back, being to upset to think about what she was saying.

"Oh, right, I almost forgot: say 'cheese'!" Colin snapped a picture of Hermione looking very distraught and stunned. He took her bottle and tossed it carelessly up and down, up and down, catching it with one hand, right before it hit the ground.

"Be careful with that!" she yelled at him.

"You don't have to be worrying about this," Colin scoffed. "I'll be keeping this from now on."

"I can't believe this!" Hermione thought as she stared up at the top bunk bed, the nightmare that was last night flooding back to her, like an avalanche. "How could he do this to me! He's evil! Evil, evil, evil!" Hermione was trying desperately to figure out what she was going to do about him knowing her secret, but she knew, in her heart, that there wasn't anything she could do.

"Hermione?" Ginny called, knocking on the door into the Head Girl room.

"Yeah," she croaked from her bed, without making an effort to let Ginny inside her room.

"Er—can I come in?" she asked modestly, which is a big thing for a Weasley girl, but she could sense Hermione wasn't herself this morning. Well, more like afternoon, which either means Hermione is dead, on her death bed, or being held hostage by Voldermort.

"Sure," came the reply from a half asleep, half insane, Mione.

"Are you alright?" Ginny asked as she opened the door and walked into the room. "It's already 11:30—"

"WHAT?!" Hermione yelled and bolted upright, causing her to whack her head against the top bunk with an unsettling, THWACK! THUNK! OOOOWWWW!

"Ouch. Are you alive?" Ginny asked, trying to hold back her laughter.

"No," she moaned, and then added quietly, "not like you'd care anyway." After all, Ginny hadn't even responded to the letter Hermione had sent her.

"Um...is there anything I can do?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"YES!" Hermione resolved the Ginny wasn't about to give up, so she just said a quick spell to clean and dress herself instantly. It's quite a handy little incantation.

"Let's go eat lunch—er—breakfast," Ginny suggested.

"Sounds good," Hermione responded dryly.

As they were walking down, Ginny informed Hermione that she had the song "More Games" stuck in her head. It was apparently some Muggle Concert Band song that was really annoying, but yet really catchy: A deadly mix. "STOP SINGING!" Hermione shouted, partly because the song was extremely aggravating and partially because of the whole "Colin-Genie" thing. Ginny abruptly stopped, but started again, but only humming this time.

"BU-NAAAA! BU-BU-NUUUUUU! BU-NU-NU! NU-NU-BA-BU-NU-NAA-NUUUUU! BUUU-BA-NA-BA-BA-BAAAAAAA!" Ginny subconsciously blared.

"STOP IT!"

"Sorry."

"GAAHHH! Now it's in my head!" Hermione screeched grabbing hold of her hair and pulling it, much like an institutionalized crazy person.

"Sorry."

After lunch, Hermione told Ginny that she really needed to be alone and Ginny reluctantly agreed. She went straight up to her Head Girl Room and collapsed on her bed. "I really need to relax in my bottle," she sighed and started to get up, but she then remembered...again. "I've got to stop having memory relapses...It's getting pathetic." But, she decided to get up and leave her room anyway. She walked down the hall, not really thinking about a destination, not really thinking about anything, which, of course, is a huge thing for Hermione Granger.

"Granger!" a voice called, Hermione instantly knew who it would be: Colin Creevy.

"What do you want, Creevy?" she flanked around and glared daggers at him, but he didn't seem to be affected.

"Actually," he corrected, "it's 'what do you want, Master.'"

"Bull Sh—"

"It's a school, Hermione! You really shouldn't be swearing." Colin handed her a relatively short list of his demands.

"I'm not going to pretend to be your girlfriend!" she was utterly appalled that he could think she would ever do something like that.

"By, sweetie," he grinned and tried to give her a kiss, but Hermione, being the angry person that she is, instead stomped on his foot, kneed him in the groin, and gave him a bloody nose in one swift movement. "OUCH! Bloody hell, woman! What's the matter with you?! That really hurt!"

"You're delusional to think I'm going to agree to this."

"No, you're delusional to think I would hesitate to tell everyone your little secret, Genie." He waved the picture in front of her and reminded her of the fact that he had negatives and multiple back-ups, magic and muggle.

"You won't get away with this."

"I think I will." Colin gave her a hug, and it took all of her willpower not to hex him and cause him great pain. As they were hugging, Ron was walking out into the hall, but stopped immediately as he saw Hermione and Colin hugging.

"What the bloody hell does he think he's doing? What the bloody hell does she think she's doing?!" Ron gaped.

Author's Notes: Ha! This thing is going to get so cool! Review please!

Next Chapter: Demands...jealousy...the usual.

Future Events: Why is being a Genie such a big deal? Why is she a Genie? (I will answer that eventually, but I'm "creating suspense")


	4. A Cool Name for a Chapter

Author's Notes: Thank you guys sooo much for the reviews. I really appreciate. It inspires me to update sooner hint hint wink wink nudge nudge oink oink hehe. Ok, well, focusing, I don't own any of these characters. (duh) If I did own them I wouldn't be wasting away on this computer. I would be spending the millions of dollars in my possession. Bwahaha. Read Merwin092's fic. It's sooooo hilarious. And Aquarius25's stories are really good, too. In fact, just go into my favorite authors. Ok? Well, without further ado, I present, drum roll please, CHAPTER uh....uh....Chapter....um....4?

Chapter 4

I was just trying to get your attention: _Should Hermione's Bottle switch possession from Colin to Mafloy?_

Chapter 4

Just kidding. Ok? I was just trying to get your attention: Should Hermione's Bottle switch possession from Colin to Mafloy?

Chapter 4

Just kidding. Ok? I was just trying to get your attention: **Should Hermione's Bottle switch possession from Colin to Mafloy?**

Haha, ok, I'm sorry. I'm hyper.

Chapter 4

"I don't bloody understand it?" Ron griped to Harry.

"Maybe she was trying to cheer him up. It was probably completely platonic, anyway," Harry sighed, it was the 500th time he'd had this conversation, and that was just since 5 a.m.

"But he's sooooo annoying. He never shuts up!"

"Ya' don't say," Harry replied dryly, and buried his head underneath his fluffy pillow.

"See, you agree with m—wait a sec—hey!" Harry laughed at Ron's stupidity/oblivious-ness/distraction-ism. **_(haha, my new words)_**

"Why don't you just _ask_ her about it?!" Harry replied, sharply.

"I can't just bloody ask her about it, then she'd think I was spying on her or, or, or, that I like her..."

"You _do_ like her."

"No, I d—" Ron began, but stopped when he received a glare from Harry. "Ok, I do, but she doesn't like me." Harry sighed, too tired to argue.

"Goodnight, Ron," Harry said, and buried himself in all of his covers.

"Goodnight? _Goodnight?! _But it's 9:30!" Ron protested.

"_Exactly._" Harry replied, "Wake me up when it's 11 o'clock, at least. I have made it a personal goal to not wake up before 10 on weekends."

_The Head-room **(headboy and headgirl, Mary.)**_

Hermione was having trouble sleeping, mainly because she was so worried about Colin. She contemplated killing him, but figured it would look bad on her job applications. "GRAAAANNNNGGGEEEERRRRRR!" came Malfoy's annoying voice through her door, and it was accompanied by bicycle horns, doorbells, and, of course, the incessant knocking.

"AHHH! SHUT UP ALREADY!" Hermione, contrary to popular belief, was not a morning person, especially when she hadn't even slept a wink. She muttered a few incantations, one to give her an instant shower, another that would change her outfit, one to put on her make-up, etc. Within a matter of seconds, she was ready to go.

"We have a meeting with good ol' Dumb-dore."

"Wow, Malfoy," Hermione retorted, as she whipped open the door, glaring ferociously, "did you come up with that one all by yourself?" she asked over-enthusiastically, the sarcasm that was dripping from her voice could have filled up the Atlantic Ocean.

"Be quiet, Granger. We have to go."

"Shove it, Malfoy."

"Shall we?" he asked and held out his arm for her.

"No." she replied, bluntly, and slapped the back of his head.

"Aren't you a delight," Malfoy spat.

"Can we just leave?"

"Fine."

Hermione and Draco walked down to Dumbledore's office and, after Hermione muttered the password, went inside. "Ah," Dumbledore greeted them, "please, come in, have a seat."

"Thank you," Hermione said, happily. Draco muttered something indecipherable and sat down.

"I suppose you're wondering what this meeting is about," Dumbledore paused to glance at them, and then continued on. "With the school year just beginning, I thought it might be nice to have a "Welcome-Back Dance" for the 5th, 6th, and 7th year students.

"Why not the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th?" Malfoy interrupted.

"They will be having a field trip," Dumbledore replied, calmly. "Is that ok with you, Mr. Malfoy?"

"Yes."

"Oh, also, about that field trip, I'm going to leave it up to you to plan what the activities of that day will entail and the details of the dance."

"Okay."

"Well, that will be all. Thank you, both." Hermione and Malfoy got up and left Dumbledore's office and went down to brunch.

"Oh joy," Malfoy said, sardonically, "more stuff for us to plan."

"At least it'll be fun," Hermione replied, optimistically.

"You think hanging out in the library is 'fun'," Malfoy pointed out.

"It _is_."

"Of course it is."

"Shut up, Mafloy."

Colin's Room 

"I've got it!" he smiled to himself. "I've finally thought of the perfect wish!"

"What is it?" Hermione asked, sounding irritated, as she appeared out of nowhere.

"Wow. That's cool!" Colin shouted, mesmerized at her genie powers.

"Can we please just cut to the chase?"

"Fine." Colin fidgeted with his camera and nervously wrung his hands together. "Ok, I want—"

"You _wish_," Hermione corrected.

"I _wish_..."

**_Author's Notes: Bwahaha. I knooow the wiiiiiisshhh. Bwahaha. Hehe. Ok, so it's awesome. OMG._**

**_Next Chapter: "Superstar" (only Buffy fans would understand)_**

**_Future Events: Should Malfoy get a hold of Hermione's bottle?_**


	5. The Wish

Author's Notes: Well, long time, no see. Happy Thanksgiving! Um…let's see….I don't own any characters. Yay!!! Oh, btw, this is kind of a take-off of "Superstar" Buffy the Vampire Slayer….

Chapter 5 

"_That's_ your wish?!" Hermione gaped in disbelief.

"Yeah, what's wrong with it?!" Colin snapped back, feeling inferior, but masking it with the venom in his voice.

"But—your wish—it's just so…" Hermione began, biting her bottom lip and wringing her hands together, nervously.

"Amazing? Genius?" Colin supplied.

"Lame," she finished, bluntly.

"Hey! I resent that!"

"So, what?"

"I have control over you, so grant my wish!" Colin yelled.

"Fine," she sighed, "just say the wish again, except this time you have to say it while standing on one foot and jumping around in circles while patting your head and rubbing your stomach and then, after you say it…you haaaveee toooooo bow down to me 5 times while saying 'Hermione Granger is the best person in the world, I am so inferior."

"Yeah, right. Just grant my bloody wish!"

"All right, all right…but you do have to say the wish again."

"I wish I were Harry Potter," Colin beamed.

"That really is pathetic…"

"Hurry up, Genie!"

"Fine!" shouted Hermione, "Wish granted," her voice rumbled, as her eyes began to glow red and everything went black… **_(oooooo suspenseful)_**

_**Author's Notes: Do you believe me? I wrote like 2 paragraphs and I'm posting! I don't know why exactly, but I wanted a fresh start to Colin's wish…but on the bright side, you won't have to wait long…**_

_**Next Chapter: Well, I already told you, Colin's wish…SUPERSTAR!**_

_**Future Events: Who shall get the bottle next?**_


	6. You're Cccolin Cccreevy!

**_Author's Notes: Dangit! It won't let me update!!! ARGH! Oh, well, in the meantime, I'll write this chapter…I don't own any characters!_**

Chapter 6

"Whoa," thought Colin, he was sprawled on the Quidditch Field. "What happened?"

"Colin? Colin Creevey?!" came an unbearably annoying voice, followed by a blinding flash of light…which was then followed by another blinding flash.

"Huh?" Colin asked, as he rubbed his forehead with his right hand, and felt a peculiar cut—or something—on his skin.

"Hiya, Colin!" came the annoying voice again.

"Who are you?" he asked, too lazy to open his eyes—and the fact that he didn't wish to be blinded again.

"I—I'm H-Harry P-p-potter!" Colin's eyes bolted open, and he flew up into a standing position.

"W-wh-wh-what?!"

"Can I have your autograph?" Harry asked.

"Huh?"

"You're famous!"

"No…not really," he drawled out. "Wait, am I?!"

"Y-y-you're the Boy-Who-Lived! You survived the curse of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named! I've read all of your books!" Colin's eyes grew to the size of saucers, and he mumbled a quick good-bye, leaving Harry to gaze, in awe, at his retreating back, and then, a few moments later, at his sprawled figure as he tripped and splatted into the mud.

"Hermione?" Colin gasped, attempting to catch his breath from running all the way up to the Griffindor Common Room. "Hermione? Where are you?"

"Yes?" she called, snootily.

"Wh-what happened? Why is Harry following me? What's going on?!"

"What are you, stupid?!" she snapped. "Heeellllooooooo, anybody home?!" she called knocking on his head, obnoxiously.

"Sto-o-o-p iiiiitt!" he whined.

"The wish, remember? You wanted to be like Harry Potter, I have created an alternate universe, and this is it. Happy?"

"Yes! That's awesome! Cool! I'm going to go!" he yelled, and, with that, he darted out the door to the Quidditch Field, to practice his flying.

"I want to ride my Fiii-re-bolt, I want to ride my broom!" he sang. **_(A/N: To the tune of "Bicycle" by Queen)_** Needless-to-say, Colin was having a great time riding his new Firebolt through the stadium, while he had Harry drooling at his feet, in awe of his talent.

"Colin! I want to be just like you!" Harry squealed as he took another thousand pictures. "Oh my Merlin, you are sooooo cool!" Harry squeaked as Colin dived towards the ground, but pulled up before he crashed. _'Wait—does this mean I'm that annoying with the pictures and blinding people?! Nah, I'm awesome. It's just bloody Harry Potter.'_ Colin thought.

"Haha, I'm one-of-a-kind!" he laughed as he circled the pitch, once more.

"CREEVEY!" Snape shouted.

"Wha—" Colin began, "P-Professor?"

"Get down here! You were supposed to be at Occlumency ten minutes ago!" Snape snarled.

"Occ-what?" Colin replied, blankly.

"Occlumency, you ignorant b—" shouted Snape. "Buffoon," he finished.

"Riiiight, I'll be down in ten minutes."

"Excuse me, Mr. Creevey?" he snapped. "You will get down here now!"

"You can't talk to me like that! I'm Colin Creevey, the boy-who-lived!" he gloated.

"You bloody won't be "the boy-who-lived" for much longer, if you don't get your arse down here now!"

"Let's consult together against this greasy knight!" Colin whispered to Harry as he flew down to the ground. **_(10 points for whoever can find out which play this quote came from…Here's a hint: Merry W.)_**

"What is occlumency, anyway?" he asked once he had hopped off his broom and trudged back to the castle with Snape breathing down his neck.

"Occlumency, is the only way you're going to stop Voldermort from entering your mind!"

"V-V-V—"

"Voldermort, Creevey."

"V-voldermort can enter my mind?!"

"Yes, it is also how your godfather died!" he snapped, getting angrier. "Hurry up!"

"Yes, sir." Colin grumbled. This sucks.

"Are you ready?" Snape asked, as soon as they entered the classroom.

"N—" but he didn't get to finish his sentence, because Snape had already shouted the incantation and jumped into his mind. _Colin finding the bottle…casting the wish…snapping pictures of Harry Potter…meeting his baby brother for the first time…_

"Are you even trying?!"

"Trying what? What's going on?!"

"Trying," Snape spat, "to prevent me from going into your mind, you git."

"How?!"

"By clearing your mind! Have we not been through this before?!"

"Sor—" Flying on his Firebolt…singing off-tune in the shower…getting lost in Hogwarts…

"Try harder!"

"I-I c-can't!" He yelled as he fell onto the dungeon floor, in exhaustion.

"Get out of my sight, and come back when you're prepared!" he yelled and slammed the door behind Colin.

Whoa. What was that about? Soooomebody has a wand shoved up their butt! Colin laughed at his joke. "Colin?" Dumbledore called, as he walked by his office entrance.

"Huh?" he replied.

"Come in here, I want to talk to you about the prophecy."

"What prophecy?"

"Did you cast a memory charm on yourself about that?"

"N-I'm mean—yes. Yes, I cannot remember a thing." _That was clever, I solved the problem. I'm so clever._

"The prophecy," began Dumbledore, once they had entered his office, "that I told you about, at the end of last year…"

"Go on."

"…the one who is born as the 3rd month dies…whose parents are muggles and have nicht (nicht is German for 'not') defied Voldermort…marked as his equal…neither can live while the other survives."  
Colin emitted a high-pitched squeal and was very pale at the end of hearing the prophecy. _Ah! I don't wanna die! I'm not strong enough to defeat Voldermort! EEEEPP!_

"Colin? Are you alright?"

"Yes," he squeaked 3 octaves too high. "I'm going to go back to my common room now."

_ This sucks. What am I going to do? I don't wanna die. Wait, maybe someone else was born then too! I can't be the only Aries in Hogwarts…nor can I be the only muggleborn. There have to be more…and I'm going to find them…hahaha. Hold on, I know who! Everything checks out…born at the end of a month and muggleborn. Haha. I've got it! **(5 points goes to the person that can review and tell me who Colin believes to be the other Muggleborn that matches the prophecy!)**_

_**Author's Notes: Tom Welling is hott, and Orlando is not.**_

**_Next Chapter: You find out how much change has occurred thanks to Colin's wish._**

**_Future Events: The bottle is going to switch possessions thrice before my story ends. Das ist eins._**


	7. Snape Spray

**_Author's Notes: I'm writing this chapter in a really weird order. I wrote the end, and now I'm going back to write the author's notes and the rest of the chapter…weird. Ich habe keine Idee (pronounced Ee-day) warum… Hier kommt der Afffffffaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! Translation: I have no idea why…Here comes the monkey!!!! Hier kommt meine neu Chapter._**

Chapter 7

**_Ok, wait, before I begin…I have some points to award! 5 points goes to Aquarius 25! And, to everyone, you get a point everytime you review my story, so I'll calculate that later-on. K? k._**

Colin was walking down the hallway towards his first class of the day, Potions. _Why? Why is it that we always have potions with Snape? We never get Herbology, Transfiguration…and it's always with the Slytherins. We never have the class with the Hufflepuffs…or the Ravenclaws. It's always Double Potions…with the Slytherins…maybe my entire life is just made for somebody else's amusement…maybe it's because it's for drama…maybe **(ah! He's getting to close to the truth! Somebody, think fast! Me: I will! This calls for…SPONTANEOS SMASHING INTO WALLS!!!)**_

…but Colin didn't have enough time to finish his thought, because at that second, he tripped on a banana peel after getting hexed by a Slytherin, with a truth spell, that dumped pudding onto his head, and, as Colin was falling, his butt hit a sled, which was carefully positioned at the top of the stairs, which caused him to fly down the stairs, on the sled, backwards, and finally come to a stop against a wall, after he zoomed through an open door, which was being opened by someone, he couldn't tell who at the time, but luck was against him, once again, because the door he went through led into a classroom, and that classroom was Potions…and the wall he crashed into, was actually the ingredients cupboard…and the crashing/breaking/sound of destruction, were the ingredients crashing to the ground and shattering into millions of pieces; and then the explosion he heard was the sound of what happens when you mix unicorn hair, ginger root, eye of newt, gilly weed, and many other ingredients all at once, and the person he caused to fall over and injure him, seriously, by accidentally whacking him in a very bad place to whack a teacher caused by trying to protect oneself from an explosion that takes place right next to you, and it is, of course, only a reaction to flail one's arms around randomly, was none other than Professor Snape…a very angry Professor Snape**_…(A/N: omg, that was the most grammatically incorrect run-on sentence I have ever written. Oh my, that was odd. It took my 10 minutes. Haha, that was great, ok, on with the story)_**

"CREEVEY!!!" Snaped screamed, and I mean screamed, if you thought you knew an angry Snape, think again. His eyes were bulging and blood shot from bulging, he had developed a very noticeable, frequent twitch, his hair looked as if he stuck a fork in a toaster while holding a kite with a key tied onto it during a thunderstorm, while standing in a bucket of water, and his face was so covered in soot from the explosion, it looked like he was of a different race, which is a big thing, seeing as how he's as pale as a Malfoy.

"Yes, professor?" Colin squeaked.

"WOULD YOU MIND EXPLAINING WHY AND HOW YOU HAVE CAUSED SO MUCH DESTRUCTION WITHIN 2 SECONDS????!!!!!!" he yelled, his twitch growing worse as the seconds wore on. Silence. "HAVE YOU ANYTHING TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?!"

"Look, you have a lisp and you wear strange suits." **_(Can anyone tell me what play this quote is from: hint: written by Shakespeare. Line said by "traveler" in act 4 10 pts of you review and tell me! It's 4 words.)_**

For once, Snape didn't have anything cruel and obnoxious to say, which is a true rarity. He simply stared blankly, amazed that anyone would have the courage to say that. Of course, that only lasted for a moment, and the next thing Colin knew Snape had him in a headlock. "I," Snape hissed through gritted teeth, "do not have a lisp!"

"You're right, you know, I'd say it's more of a nice spray every time you open your wide trap." Snape growled in response, having a very difficult time forming words. "Yup, see, when you yell, you're greasy hair flies around, and you spit when you say the letters 'p' or 't' or, my personal favorite, 's'." Colin then went on to mimic Snape's attempt to yell at Harry Potter. "Ppppp **spray** otttttttt **tidal wave** er! Jussssssssst what **spritz** do you think you're doing, coming intttt **splash** my classsssssss late **sploosh**?!

"ENOUGH!" Snape pulled back his fist, forgetting he was a wizard, and was about to smash Colin's face in when a voice interrupted him.

"That's enough, Snivellus," the voice reprimanded. Snape cringed and, slowly, looked towards the source of the voice. "Please don't be him…please don't be him," Colin heard Snape mutter under his breath.

"L-Lupin?" Snape shuddered.

"Yes, Snivelly, it is I," Remus couldn't help but grin. After all, it's not everyday one gets to see their enemy blanch at the sound of one's voice.

"Why are you here?" Snape snarled, after regaining his composure.

"Well, I am the new Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher," Lupin smirked, just to annoy Snivelly more. "Apparently," he continued, "the only application they received didn't not meet their expectations. So, they contacted me, and here I am."

"I didn't—" Snape argued, but didn't finish because he was interrupted by…

**_(to the tune of the Batman theme song)_** "Nuh nuuuu nu nu nununununununu SNAPE SPRAY!!!! Nuh nuuuunununununununununu SNAPE SPRAAAYYYYYYYY! Nuh nu—" Colin sang obnoxiously, while Remus wiped the tears from his eyes, caused by laughing so hard.

"ENOUGH!" Snape yelled. "Mr. Lupin, I didn't mean why are you 'at Hogwarts', I meant 'what the bleeding hell are you doing in my classroom'!"

"You mean my classroom, Severus. Dumbledore has informed me that you will be holding your classes in here, but your office will be located in Moaning Myrtle's Bathroom."

"WHHHAAAAAAATTTTTTT!?" Snape snapped, twitching as violently as ever, still holding Colin in a headlock. Snape's responses consisted of: "Juuuuust kidding!" Remus said in a sing-songy voice; and "Nuh nuunununununununununu SNAPE SP—" ENOUGH! You, Remus, get out of my classroom, and, you, Colin, get out of my site before I perform the killing curse on you!!!

"Right-o!" Colin responded, and then couldn't help adding, thanks to the truth spell, "Would you please inform Voldi-poo that he needs to get a better death eater. Besides, if he couldn't kill me with that curse, what makes you think you could kill me with it?"

"OOOOOUUUUTTTTTT!" Snape bellowed, finally having a complete nervous breakdown, and they both thought it would be best if they left, promptly.

"Granger!" Colin called. He was standing in his bedroom, a special room only for him. When she appeared he said, "You fulfill the prophecy too, don't you!"

"No, not really." She told him, "I was born in September, moron."

"You were? Crap. That means I'm the only one. I'm going to die!!!"

"Riiiiggghttt. Is that it, because if it is, I'm out of here."

"Why are you dressed in green and silver robes?" Colin asked.

"Because they're slytherin robes," came Hermione's answer.

"Why are you dressed in Slytherin robes?!" **(Liz, I had Ravenclaw, but I didn't want to steal your story, which is awesome btw, Raven's Secret)**

"I'm dressed in Slytherin robes because I'm a Slytherin," she replied calmly. "Honestly, you have a real problem with the obvious."

"WHAT?!" Colin choked on his words in an attempt to make sense of anything. "What do you mean? You're supposed to be a Griffindor—all Slytherins end up as death eaters!"

"What's your point? Death Eater's are only trying to cleanse the earth of unworthy mudbloods…"

"First of all, you're a muggleborn. Second of all, you were the one who started the DA. How could you completely destroy all that?!" 

"First of all," she said, mimicking his annoying voice, "I created the VA."

"The _V_A?" he asked.

"Voldermort's Army," she explained, enjoying the look on Colin's face as he blanched.

"B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-" Colin stuttered until he was interrupted.

"SILENCE!" she screamed. "I joined because I did not wish to end up like the others."

She paused for a moment, but resumed speaking as Colin opened his mouth, most likely, to say something stupid. "The others died. There are only a few of us left. Dumbledore is the only one left. Even Moody has become a death eater."

"That's impossible!"

"That's life."

"How did you end up there? Wouldn't they distrust you?"

"They did…at first…but I proved myself…"

"How?" he asked, slowly.

"With my first target. If I succeed, the Dark Lord agreed to let me be his 'right hand woman.' "

"W-w-who?"

"You, of course." Hermione grabbed Colin around the neck and threw him against the wall. The sleeve of her robe fell back to reveal the dark mark. After seeing this, Colin turned whiter than humanly possible and tried to whimper, but his lack of oxygen made it quite difficult. "You die-I win. Simple as that."

"I-I-I- w-w-" Colin tried to say, but it was proved nearly impossible. "I wish—I was not like Harry Potter!" he screamed after wriggling free of Hermione's grasp.

"It's 'I wish I _were'_, you ignorant little nark!" Hermione corrected.

"Does it even matter? Send me back! I want the real world! I-I-I," he screamed, but was forced to stop when the world around him faded to black.

**_Author's Notes: Ok, haha, I hope you had as much fun reading as I did writing. Don't forget to review for points._**

**_Next Chapter: Someone gets a hold of Hermione's bottle, again. _**

_**Future Events: uhhhhhhhh**_


	8. Say what now?

**_Author's Notes: I really liked that last chapter, too. YOU MUST READ Merwin092's story. It's really funny, really creative, and I'm in it. Oh, and "New Moony" (it's really cool, and well-written) by Cappygal…something 16 maybe? (I'm sorry kt, I forget your name, no offense meant) and Aquarius25's story "Raven's Secret" it's really nifty. _**

_**Disclaimer: ……………cricket cricket…………… "Hey, I said disclaimer!" I yell at myself, mentally. **_

"_**Noooo, I own all of the characters! J.K. Rowling ripped off my plot, my characters, my ideas, my setting, my prophecy…" my thoughts continue to ramble. **_

"_**NO YOU DON'T!" Liz screams at me, telepathically. **_

"_**Hey! STOP INVADING MY BRAIN!!!" I yell back. **_

"_**What brain?" asks Mary, laughing hysterically at her "wit". (notice, merwin, that I put quotation marks around, 'wit.')**_

"_**Stop it!" Annwa complains. "I have no idea what you're talking about w/ the fics.**_

"_**Read them!" We all yell. **_

"_**Liz, stop trying to find out what's going to happen in my fic!" I yell.**_

"_**I wasn't!" she tried to deny, but I gave her a 'knowing' look, and she simply flashed a toothy grin and laughed. **_

"_**You're not telepathic and/or psychic!" Elena yells. "De jili nada!" We all laugh hysterically.**_

"_**What do we have to do to prove that we are?!" Liz and I shout simultaneously.**_

"**_Elena!" Mary interrupts, "Jesus." _**

"_**It's not possible," she explained to us, slowly, as if we were mentally retarded.**_

_**Liz, Merwin (mary), Annwa, and I just sighed at our trilingual friend. **_

"**_Fine, Liz!" I shout. "I don't own any of the freaking characters!" _**

"_**Jump up and down and say, "La-la-la-la!" Liz laughed.**_

"_**Correct!" I grinned. "Scissors jump up and down and say, "lalalalala."" **_

"_**How'd she know the question?" Elena asked, clearly confused.**_

_**smack! (the sound of all of us slapping our foreheads)**_

"_**Say it with me now," Mary sighs, "Telepathic."**_

"**_HEY!" shouts Cool grl, "I want to read the freaking story!"_**

"_**Oh, sorry," I sincerely apologize, "I forgot you guys were reading this…"**_

"_**Without further ado," Liz booms, "I present Chapter…uh…Chapter…"**_

"**_Ocho!" Elena tells her. _**

"_**God Bless You!" Mary smiles, politely.**_

"_**Nein," she rolls her eyes at us, "Huit!"**_

"_**Uh…"**_

"_**Acht!" **_

"_**Is there a hairball in your throat?" asked Annwa.**_

"_**Oh!" Liz gasped, realization finally hitting her. "8! Chapter 8."**_

"_THANK YOU!" snarl LovinLovegood1(I sense a lot of love…well, other than the death threat, of course), Mystery girl (oooo spooky), iluvharry0731(real specific, we all love Harry), and cool grl (Woot! I might just use your suggestion…kind of!). _

_Chapter 8_

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Colin screamed. "HERMIONE'S A DEATH EATER AND SHE'S TRYING TO KILL ME BECAUSE I'M THE BOY-WHO-LIVED! SHE'S A GENIE!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!"

"What the bleeding hell are you rambling about?" hissed an annoyed voice. Colin opened his clenched eyes and found that the source of the voice was, none other than, Draco Malfoy. Colin was against the wall in the Slytherin's room with a very cranky, disheveled, Malfoy, rubbing his eyes and sitting up in his bed, apparently he had just woken up.

"HERMIONE IS TRYING TO KILL ME!" Colin yelled.

"You'd best hope _I _don't kill you, Creevey!" Malfoy snarled. "What are you doing in my room, and why are you screaming about Hermione being a death eater genie that is trying to kill you?!"

"I-I-I was Harry Potter—and Hermione was a—death eater because—because I cast a wish—because Hermione is a genie, but then the wish was bad so I wished back while she was trying to strangle me—and now I'm here."

"Riiiiiiiiigggggghhhhhht," Malfoy drawled out, making a mental note to encourage Colin's parents to institutionalize him. "Get out of my room."

"But I'm telling the truth!" Colin protested.

"Of course you are."

"Look! I have a picture!" Colin pulled the picture out and flashed it in front of Malfoy's face, and then he put it back into his pocket and smirked, thinking Malfoy had to believe him.

"You're insane! Why don't you take your girlfriend and leave my room?" Malfoy asked, but it was, clearly, not a question.

"Hermione is _not_ my girlfriend!"

"I never thought that, by 'girlfriend', I meant your camera, Gryffindork."

"Now, get out so I can sleep!" Malfoy threw a few dozen hexes at Colin's retreating form as he scrambled out of his room.

"That was odd…Colin's insane…or is he?" Malfoy pondered as he fell asleep.

"Why did she send me to Mafloy's room?!" Colin griped, as he stomped towards the Fat Lady.

"Because I enjoy torturing you. Just think of it as payback," Hermione snickered, appearing next to him, suddenly. Which, in turn, caused Colin to wet himself and squeal/squeak.

"BLOODY HELL!"

"Now," Hermione said, in a deep voice, that definitelydidn't seem anything likeher voice, "I'm not a death eater. I was because of the result of your dream, so you can stop whimpering." She paused, and then continued, "I hope that you will reconsider finishing your wishes...you see, you got lucky; I decided to show you mercy, next time, however, you may not be so lucky."

"Okay!" Colin squeaked, sounding like a drunk house elf. "I don't want your bloody bottle, but you are by no means getting it back!"And then, Colin did something so horrible, so horrendous, that I cannot possibly write about it in this chapter.

_**Author's Notes: Really short, I know. But I just wanted to keep the update dates closer together….plus I'm lazy (shhhh).**_

_**Next Chapter: Malfoy is suspecting…and he may go and investigate the Griffindor common room….but I'm not sure yet. **_

_**Future Events: I get more reviews. hint hint**_


	9. Earth to Mione!

**_Author's Notes: Guess who! It's me! Yay! Ok, all you have to do is click my favorite authors button and click on any one of those names and you will find multiple stories to your liking, trust me. Silverstar's is well-written and captivating. Merwin's is hilarious. Cappy's is so nifty. And Aquarius25's is awesome!_**

_**Please R&R! PLLLEEEAAASSSSSEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

_**I don't own any characters…**_

_**You'd think that would just acknowledge that nobody owns anything. It's called fanfic. Faaaaannnnn fic. Duh.**_

_Chapter…Nein. (9) Nine_

"Hermione!" Ron yelled for the twenty-billionth time. He was trying to wake her up…like he had been for the past 32 minutes and 29 seconds. "HEEERRRMIIIIIOOOONNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEE?!?!?!?!?!" Ron whined. He had tried yelling, shaking her, dumping cold water on her head…he had, basically, tried everything—but then a brilliant idea struck him. "Hermiii-ninny?" he asked, with his best 'Victor Krum' impersonation—no response.

They were standing out in the hall, well, Ron was. Hermione had passed out against the wall, and had been out cold for Merlin-knows-how-long. Ron had found her like that on his way to the kitchens for a midnight snack. "HERMIONE IF YOU DON'T WAKE UP THIS BLOODY INSTANT, I'M GOING TO—TO—TO—**_(A/N: I'm thinkin' give me a minute…)_** aw, forget it. I can't think of anything."

And then, within 2 seconds, a muggle song entered his head. "IF YOU WAAANT TO DESTROY MY SWEATER! PULL THIS THREAD AS I WALK A-WAY! WATCH ME UNRAVEL I'LL SOON BE NAKED! LYIN' ON THE FLOOR I HAVE COME UNDONE!" At that moment, however, a really random and _annoying_ song came into his head. He assumed it to be muggle in origin, because all wizard music was rock, and some metal. This was a horrible pop song with a bad singer and annoying lyrics. It went like: "I'M A GENIE IN A BOOOTTTLLLEEE BAAABBYYYYY! I'M A GENIE IN A BOTTLE BAAAABYYYY!"

"AAHHHH!" Hermione bolted awake, and looked panicky and pale. "I can explain! I—I didn't have a choice! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!" she wailed.

"What th—" Ron asked, feeling very, very confused.

"Oh—er—um—nightmare," Hermione stuttered, and then started giggling nervously.

"Riiiiigggghhhttt," Ron responded, and then, very quietly, "PMS, much? Bleeding hell. Wicked female hormones, those are."

"I-I-I-I-"

"HERMIONE, get a hold of yourself, woman!"

"Ihvtgo," she slurred out, while running in the direction of…the Room of Requirement.

_**Author's Notes: Ok, guys, I'm really sorry. REALLY SUPER SHORT CHAPTER! I, personally, like reading short chappies because you can polish a few off on your way out the door to go…oh, idk, aquarius25's house to play DDR w/ Francis Shady, Dina, Meeghan, Emily, and of course, me. Good times!**_

_**I have noooo time, ever. So much hw, tests, it's insane. I have archery in….8 hours…less than, actually. So I gtg now. Bedtime…at….1:09 AM. Um, yeah. Ok, then. **_

_**Next Chapter: RoR to meet…..rodca.**_

**_Future Events: HGDM ship! Woot! (maybe, that is) tell me what you think, k? I could also turn it into a GWHP, HGRW, or HGRL. So, review me your answers. K? k. _**

_**LOVE YOU ALL!**_


	10. Ramsis

**_Author's Notes: Wow, ok. I've been really really lazy. Haha, All I do is read fanfics…not write...persay. Ok, then…um. I don't own anything. Except for the perfect grammar (in the story, not my AN's) haha. Ok…………………………._**

_**FRANCIS SHADY'S PARTY IS GONNA ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOT! Haha. I love the clarinets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

_**Oh, btw, I'm going out on a whim on this…sooooo bear with me. I'm having fun w/ it. If you don't bloody like it, then don't bloody read it. Or, you could read it and flame me.**_

_Chapter 10_

_Shit. What am I going to do?! _Hermione thought as she ran down the hall, towards the RoR. _I—can't—believe—he—found—out! Of—all people—why HIM?! _

"Granger?" a cold voice barked at her. She whipped around to see Draco Malfoy standing in front of the door to the Room of Requirement.

"Ferret," she spat. Bare in mind, she was very pissed off at him for finding out…and no doubt, in the future, for asking wishes of her.

"Inside. Now. We can talk in there."

"Ok," Hermione replied, and then added, "someone has a stick up their arse today!"

"Shut up, Mudblood."

"Hey! That rhymes!" she shrieked in a sing-songy voice. The lack of sleep was harming her brain power. "Mud-blood. Mad-dad. Sinister-Minister. Square-Pear! Funny-Bu—"

"You," Malfoy interrupted, "have the mentallity of a walnut."

"A walnut?!"

"IN!" he interrupted and shoved her into the room of requirement.

They were in, what looked like, a larger (room version) genie bottle.

"Ok, Granger." Malfoy took a seat on the red coach. "Talk."

"About…" Hermione asked, even though she already knew what he meant.

"The whole 'genie' thing, Granger. What else would I want to talk about?"

"Oh…right," she mumbled. "Well, for starters…I'm a genie…and I have been for…2 years."

"Wait," Malfoy interrupted, "you mean you haven't been a genie your whole life? I thought that genies were born genies…"

"I used to think that, too. Until—" she broke off. _I'm not going to tell him this! I can't tell him this! It's insane! He'll blackmail me! Oh, wait; he already is…Crap._

"Until what?" prompted Draco.

"Until I was given…a choice."

"What kind of a choice? Who? What? When? Where? Why? How?"

"BREATHE, MALFOY!" Hermione slapped him upside the head—partially to snap him out of it…and partially out of spite. "You need to learn how to relax, honestly."

"Keep going, Granger!" Malfoy growled.

"Ok, ok. Jeez. _Somebody's_ PMSing."

"Granger," Malfoy hissed, warningly.

"Well, as I was saying. A genie found me one day, while I was in my bedroom, right? Oh, wait, I have to give you some background info I guess…"

"That might help," Draco glared.

"I was reading about Genies one day, because I had nothing better to do…and I came across an incantation to summon a genie without a lamp. So…out of curiosity, after all, you know the saying, I decided to try the incantation."

"The saying? Curiosity killed the cat?" Malfoy asked, not even bothering to cover up his high interest in her tale.

"You forgot the end! Curiosity killed the cat…but satisfaction brought it back."

"Wicked."

"I know. Ok, so I summoned the genie…thinking it would be an average genie…but I was wrong."

"Huh?"

"Well, as it turned out, I had been so bad at the spell…that I accidentally summoned the first genie…ever. The creator. The uber-genie—I guess you might say."

"Uber-genie?" Malfoy scoffed. "Honestly, Granger. Where do you come up with these things?"

"Shut up, git." Hermione spat. "So, the creator of all genies—Ramsis—showed up in my room.

"I'm confused," Malfoy whined.

"Oops, I got ahead of myself, again."

"Good job, Hermione."

"Ok, _Draco._" Hermione stuck her tongue out at him, and continued on with her story. "Ramsis was different than all the other genies. Since he was the first genie, the master, his duty was not to fulfill wishes—well kind of yeah it was but that's not the point—the point is that his duty was to make more genies."

"Got it."

"Good. Now, so, back to the main thing…Ramsis is in my room, right? With me so far?" she asked Draco.

"Yup."

"Good." **_(Readers—you with me so far? If you're not…review and I'll explain. But…I'm making this up as I go along…I hadn't originally put in so much thought. EEP!)_**

"Right, so he asked me…if there was anything that I wanted. And, if there were, I would simply have to wish it."

"There's always a catch, Granger. Tell me you weren't stupid enough to fall for it. You _are_ the smartest witch in Hogwarts."

"That—er—brings me to my next point," Hermione replied, shyly, as she avoided all eye contact with Malfoy.

"So, Hermione Granger, what could you possibly want?" Malfoy asked, genuinely intrigued.

Should I stop here? Naw. I'm not that mean. Besides, I promised a really long chapter.

"I wished for…intelligence."

"You what?!"

"I wished…to be smart. I was so stupid before—stop snickering, you nark! I wasn't intelligent. I didn't really have any special talent. That could have been my only opportunity to be someone."

"Tear—tear," Draco sniffed, obnoxiously.

"Shut up!" she slapped him again, and kicked him in the shin. "You said you wanted to know!"

"Sorry, sorry," he mumbled.

"So, I became smart. Well, everything was going great…until 2 years ago."

"The catch?"

"The catch," Hermione said, with finality in her voice.

"That catch…being—that you became a genie?" Malfoy took a wild stab in the dark.

"Basically, yeah."

"So that's it? You are a genie because you wanted to be smart?"

"Yeah, hey, what's that supposed to mean?!"

"I don't know…it's just so…granger-like…for lack of a better term…" Malfoy's voice diminished.

"Well, I _do_ have to keep it a secret and grant stupid gits their bloody wishes—the narks."

"Right. Well, I get 3 wishes? Is that how it goes?" Malfoy smirked.

"Well…"

"Ja oder nein, Granger?"

"Well…er…kind of. Actually, there's no limit to the number of wishes it's just a tale that we encourage because mortals have a tendency to be GREEDY!"

"Sheesh."

"What's your first wish, _master._"

"MASTER?!" Malfoy laughed, in disbelief. "Did you just call me master?!"

"It's comes with the territory, Malfoy, just try not to rub it in anymore than necessary."

"Hey! You called me 'Malfoy'."

"Very good, next we'll teach you how to count to 4!" Hermione exclaimed, with false happiness.

"Shut up. But why didn't you call me master that time?"

"Because…plot hole. That's why!"

"Right. Well…hmmm…I wish…I wish that I could walk in your shoes for…a week, and you in mine." Malfoy then added, quickly, "Out of curiosity."

"Curiosity killed the cat, Master," Hermione said darkly. F

"Yes, but satisfaction brought it back," he chuckled.

"I hate you."

"I love me, too." Malfoy grinned. "Are you going to grant the wish now?"

"I have a quick question. Why does everyone want to be someone else?"

"Because it's entertaining."

"Right."

"Grant the wish, Granger."

"Fine." A cloud of smoke swept over the room, and then, once again, everything went dark…

**_Author's Notes: Ok, so it's not long. But I wrote it all in 34 minutes. Claps for me._**

**_Next chapter: the wish._**

_**Future Events: Ship of HG/DM!**_


	11. Men Exaggerate

_**Author's Notes: I'm baaaa-aaacckkk. Haha. Ok….um….I don't own any characters…but I do own………TOM WELLING! Haha. Ok, I lied. I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL JULY!!! HP 6 IS COMING OUT!!! YAY!!!!!!!!! I DON'T HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER 3 YEARS, LIKE LAST TIME! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY! **_

_**R&R R&R R&R R&R R&R R&R R&R R&R R&R R&R R&R**_

_**I got a TAMA SWINGSTAR!**_

**Coolgrl:** The whole "master" thing. Have you ever seen 'I dream of Genie?" well…it's kind of like that. He's basically in possession of her powers b/c of the blackmail…and I didn't put this in, but…that's just b/c I forgot: **Malfoy now has her bottle, thanks to Colin. **Ok, so that means, he has her bottle, she's working for him now. The master thing is just genie-ism. Oh, man I'm babbling. Sorry.

_Chapter 11_

_(before I begin: I'm taking Merwin092's idea. Ok, **Draco in Hermione's body is Draco/Hermione. Hermione in Draco's body is Hermione/Draco. K? Merwin092's fic is amazing btw, go read it.** She's a genius, just look at how wonderful the idea is so that none of us get confused. Yay! BTW-thanks merwin.)_

"Uh-er," Malfoy/Hermione said, stupidly.

"Here's the deal, Ferre-Hermione," Hermione/Malfoy corrected herself. "You cannot, _cannot_ let anyone know what happened. Got it?"

"Yeah, yeah," Malfoy/Hermione sighed. "So, this should be fun!"

"What the bloody hell is _that_ supposed to mean, _Hermione_?!" Hermione/Malfoy growled, angrily.

"Er—just—er—ya' know—making fun of—er—Potty…" Malfoy/Hermione coughed.

"Better be. Oh, and by the way, if you do _anything_ to my body you'll find yourself missing a valuable piece to…your…er _body._" Hermione/Malfoy finished with a smirk on his face.

"Hey! You're already getting my smirk," Malfoy/Hermione beamed.

"You're a git."

"Thank you, Mudblood—oh wait, I mean _pureblood_."

"Hermione! Malfoy?!" a voice shouted from behind them. "What are you doing here?!

"Potty!" Malfoy/Hermione grinned, Hermione/Malfoy elbowed him/her in the ribs. "Ouch! Er—I mean—how are you, Harry dear. How I've missed you!" Malfoy/Hermione then proceeded to give Harry a sloppy kiss on the cheek, leaving him mortified.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL!!!!!!????!?!!!!?!?!" Hermione/Malfoy shouted. "I DON'T WANT TO SEE GRANGER MAKE OUT WITH THE BOY-THAT-WON'T-DIE! BLOODY HELL!!!"

"Look—er—Hermione, I love you and all, but I thought we were just friends. Besides, aren't you dating Ron or something?" Harry half-asked, half-told.

"Ew! Weasel? I'm dating the Weasel?!" Malfoy/Hermione gagged.

"Are you ok? Malfoy did something to you, didn't he?! He put something in your drink…cast a spell on you…I know he did something!" Harry shouted. "I'll save you!"

"_Some_body has a hero complex," Malfoy/Hermione rolled his/her eyes.

"Look, Ha-Potter," Hermione/Malfoy sneered. "I didn't do anything to your precious little (cringe) _mudblood_, so you can chill."

"Don't call her a mud-that thing you just called her. She's more magical than you'll ever be!"

"Do you have any idea how _gay_ that sounded?!" Hermione/Malfoy said in between fits of laughter. And then, she/he went on to mock what he had just said, "She's more _magical_ than _you'll ever be!" _

"S—he does have a point…it did sound pretty—er—you know…" Malfoy/Hermione coughed. Then he added, under breath, to Hermione/Malfoy, "Although he does have a point." That caused a certain guy in a girl's body to be slapped.

"DON'T YOU DARE HIT HER!!!" Harry bellowed, and then, as if in slow motion, tackled Hermione/Malfoy. "Don't (punch) ever (punch) think about (punch) hitting (punch) a girl (punch) ever (punch) again (punch) especially Hermione (knee in the groin)."

"Hey!" protested Malfoy/Hermione, "You're not fighting fair!" He winced as he thought about the pain Hermione/Malfoy would be going through after being kneed in the groin.

**_(A/N: Well, now you have had a taste of mind/body writing. So now, I'm going to give you a sample of the way I originally wrote…I refer to them by the bodies they are in…so read this…and then review and tell me which you prefer. K? Thank you, LaxGoalie)_**

"He didn't fight fair—he hit you," Harry said, angrily.

"Oh please," Malfoy scoffed, "women go through cramps and periods, and you think a little wimpy hit like that would even bother her?!"

"What the f—" Harry began, but was cut off by the surprise of Malfoy standing up, as if nothing had happened.

"You know, men really exaggerate about being hit there…sure, it hurts, but that's nothing compared to what women go through…" his voice slowly diminished when she realized they were both gaping at him. "Ha ha—" he laughed nervously. "I mean—er—ooowww that really hurt," and then made his voice go really high, "I can't believe how much that hurts…ah…the pain is blinding. Ow!"

"I don't bleeding want to know…" Hermione sighed. She then grabbed Harry by the ear and dragged him down to the Great Hall for something to eat.

_**Author's Notes: Alright, tell me which way you want me to write!**_

**_Next Chapter: Man, I feel like a woman. BLOODY CRAMPS! BLOODY BLEEDING BLOOD! Haha, _**singsong voice **_Malfoy gets his ppeeerrrioooodddd. Bwahahaha._**

_**Future Events: Well, after the body swap…I don't know…DM/HG? Not slash or anything of course…but a relationship.**_


	12. Bad Move

**_Author's Notes: Like it? Hate it? Tell me. I don't own anything…except for my beautiful black swingstar tama drum set._**

_**Pheonixtamer150: **Thank you for responding. I'll refer to them by their bodies. BTW-I was confused when writing the first way, too. Haha. _

_Chapter 12_

"Hermione?" Harry asked. They were sitting at their house table in the Great Hall, happily munching on some chocolate…especially Hermione. She was ravenously attacking a bar of dark chocolate with almonds. "Hermione?" he called again. "HERMIONE GRANGER!!!" he finally yelled.

"Huh?" Hermione turned to face him, with a mouthful of chocolate. "Whdouwanmtrngchoate!"

"Huh?" Harry responded, confused and grossed out at Hermione's newfound 'eating habits.'

"Obldyhl!" (_Oh, bloody hell!) _Hermione grumbled and gulped down the rest of the chocolate bar. "I said," she snapped. "What do you want I'm trying to eat my chocolate?!"

"Oh, right." Harry was a little slow, still attempting to figure out how Hermione managed such a Ron-like feat. "Are you sure you're ok?"

"I'm tired. Goodnight." Hermione got up and walked towards the door, but not before getting Malfoy's attention, who was sitting at the Slytherin table. Malfoy was eager to get away from the table, namely because Pansy Parkinson kept shamelessly flirting with him, and, I'm sure you could imagine, it was extremely distressing and disturbing.

"Goodbye, all," he said, as he walked away without a backward glance, because if he'd have turned around, they would have seen his gagging face and extremely disgusted look.

"Look, we need to talk," Malfoy said, in a serious tone.

"Are you breaking up with me?!" Hermione squealed, obnoxiously. Malfoy rolled his eyes and whacked the back of Hermione's head. Bad move.

"MALFOY!!!" somebody bellowed, primitively.

_"Shit!_" the said, simultaneously, and winced. "It's Ron." Malfoy cringed as the name escaped his lips. He knew how overprotective Ron was…Hermione didn't know the half of it.

"Oh, it's just Weasel? I thought it was Potter, again," Hermione chuckled.

"You don't understand…do you?" Malfoy grumbled.

"The fact that Ron is about to kick my ass. He's a lunatic! He hates you beyond belief, and he's as overprotective of me as he is Ginny. Not to mention the fact that he's 5 times as strong as Harry, and doesn't have as much common sense."

"I hope your not implying Potty has common sense!" Hermione scoffed.

This entire conversation took place within six seconds, and by the time Malfoy opened his mouth to talk again, Ron had already gotten him into a headlock. As Ron was bringing his fist down into Malfoy's stomach, he caught sight of his savior and broke into a grin.

"I'll wipe that smile off your face!" Ron growled. "I'll teach you to hit Hermy!"

"Hermy?!" Hermione started to laugh uncontrollably.

"STOP RIGHT THERE, MR. WEASLEY!" Snape yelled. "Put Malfoy down and go straight to my office."

"Yes, _sir,_" he spat. Ron, grudgingly, released Malfoy from the headlock and trudged down to the Potions classroom.

"Thanks for the help!" Malfoy said, sarcastically, while he rubbed the back of his neck, which was sore from the headlock.

"Hermy?!" Hermione gasped for air.

"Shut your trap, Ferret," Malfoy barked.

"That's 'mudblood' to you," Hermione grinned back.

"You're incorrigible. Let's go to our common room so we can talk," Malfoy suggested.

"_Our_ common room?" Hermione asked. "Since when do you belong in Slytherin—or wait, I guess you do…hold on. I'm confused."

"You're a moron," Malfoy said, simply. "Our Head Girl and Head Boy room. Remember?"

"Oh. Right."

**_Author's Notes: Omg, I have something against writing long chapters. I don't know why…I've done it before…I just rather stop at all the little pauses and post. However, I have written chapters that are 10 pages long before, so I can if you want. Please tell me. Some people hate long chapters…others hate short chapters. I don't know which to do!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!_**

_Chapter 12 ½_

"Alright," Malfoy said, calmly, not that they were in the common room. "Here's what you have to do—"

"You're more of a control freak than I thought."

"Shut up."

"Hmmm. No."

"Fine! You can deal with your period. All. By. Yourself. Have fun!" With that, Malfoy skipped away, feeling a lot happier knowing he wouldn't have to deal with cramps or bloating or hormones or mood swings for a while.

"Wait!" Hermione called after him.

"What?"

"I—I—need your help."

**_Author's Notes: So much for writing a lot._**..

_**Next Chapter: Malfoy's er wait Hermione's…er….Malfoy in Hermione's body's misery.**_

_**Future Events: Malfoy's horrible life and torturing of the Hermione in Malfoy's body.**_


	13. FHP

**_Author's Notes: Ok, b/c Merv kept bugging me about updating, I'm going to take a break from my other fic and write this. Happy?! grumbles. I don't own the bloody HP world, so SOD OFF! Oh, bugger it. Haha. British slang is fun, right guys? Hehe. Ok, I'm dedicating this chapter to make me feel special. I'm dedicating it to…..Jack! haha-liz._**

Btw, if anyone can think of words that start w/ a "J" and and w/ a "K" review and tell me. Danke!

Chapter 13 

"I can't believe that bloody git!" Ron fumed to Harry.

"Which git?" Harry asked.

"Both of them!" he said, referring to Snape and Malfoy.

"I know! I can't believe he hit Hermione!" Harry practically screamed. It was an unwritten rule that guys are not permitted to hit girls. It's not that girls can't defend themselves, it's just not right.

"I'll pound him to a bloody pulp, the nark!" Ron growled, cracking his knuckles threateningly.

"Speaking of Hermione," Harry asked, "where is she?"

"We weren't talking about her," Ron countered, but answered anyway. "I don't exactly know…the library?" he suggested.

"She just went there this morning," Harry replied.

"She practically lives there. It wouldn't surprise me if she were back there…" Ron said.

"Let's go look for her," Harry decided.

"Okey-dokey," Ron said, happily.

"Ron," Harry said, seriously, "never—_ever—_say 'okey-dokey' again. That's very emotionally scarring to me.

"It sounds like a drug!" Ron exclaimed. Harry rolled his eyes and hit the back of his head.

"Let's just go, Skippy," Harry sighed.

"Skippy?" Ron asked, perplexed.

"I don't know," Harry responded, "—it just kind of popped into my head. And…I decided to just say it. SUE ME!"

"Did you know that that is a song from 'Guys and Dolls'?" Ron asked Harry; referring to a musical he went to see when he was younger.

"Can we _please _just go?" Harry snapped.

"What are you—a PMSing girl?" Ron laughed. Harry glowered. "Ok, ok," Ron said, holding up his hands in surrender. "Let's go. Where should we look?"

"The library," Harry said very slowly, like he was talking to someone with no brain cells. Scratch that, he _was_ talking to someone without brain cells.

"Don't have to be snooty," Ron grumbled. They were both extra testy thanks to a certain Slytherin harming their best friend.

**_(A/N: Wow! A page already. For some reason, it's really easy to write this…maybe b/c I'm sick. Shut up! I know it doesn't make sense.)_**

"Hermione!" Ron called, very loudly, when they walked in the library.

"Are you dense?" Harry asked Ron. "We're in a library, and if you do not wish to get us thrown out, I suggest you shut up."

"Fine."

"Actually, I don't think she's in here," Harry frowned.

"There she is!" Ron yelled, happily, forgetting what Harry had just told him, not even seconds ago.

"Ron!" Harry hissed, quietly, but he was ignored as Ron was already bouncing towards the back of the library.

"Bloody git," Harry sighed. "Can't live with 'em. Can't live without 'em." Harry walked over to where Ron was skipping.

"Mione!" They both exclaimed and wrapped her in a hug.

"AAAHHHHHH!" she screamed and started swatting them, with a horrified look on her face. "Bloody hell!" she fumed. "What are you doing to me?!"

"Hugging you…" Ron said, slowly.

"Exactly!" Hermione screamed, throwing her arms in the air and pacing. "Don't ever touch me again!" Ron and Harry were both hurt by her remark; she had never protested when they had hugged before.

"Um…ok," Ron said, sadly. "We'll just…go…then."

"Sorry for bothering you…" Harry said, quietly. "Bye, then."

"Why was she so mean?!" Ron asked, once they had left the library.

"I'm thinking…PMS," Harry replied.

"Oh, right." Ron yawned. "That makes sense."

"Why don't we just go to bed and worry about this is the morning, eh mate?" Harry smiled, in an attempt to ease the tension.

"Sure," Ron said, monotonously. They trudged back up the stairs to the Griffindor common room, but stopped dead in their tracks when they say Malfoy standing in front of the portrait—looking extremely aggravated.

"Will you, _please,_ just let me in the common room?!" Malfoy screamed sounding extremely exhausted. "I said the bloody password! AC/DC! AC/DC! Would you like me to tattoo the bloody password on my bloody forehead?! Just let me in!"

"No." The Fat Lady looked unfazed as she continued to file her nails.

"And why the bloody hell not?!" Malfoy yelled.

"Because you're a Slytherin," she replied, simply.

"SO WHAT?! I know the password!"

"Excuse me?" Harry asked, as he strode over, confidently to where Malfoy was standing. "But, can I help you?"

"Harry!" he exclaimed and enveloped Harry in a hug. "Thank goodness you're here! The Fat Lady wouldn't let me inside the common room!"

"Why would she?" Ron asked, answering for Harry; he was still gaping and highly mortified, even after Malfoy released him.

"Because I know the password, _Ronald_," Malfoy told him, vehemently.

"You're still a Slytherin," Harry said, finally regaining his composure. "And a _Malfoy_, no less."

"What's that got to do with anything?!"

"You hit Hermione, that's what!" Ron shouted at him.

"You're such a nark, Ron!" Malfoy yelled, and slapped him in the face. Harry was cracking up, despite the fact that his best friend was in pain. It wasn't everyday that you got to say a male Slytherin slap someone.

"Just go back to your boyfriend and leave us alone," Harry sighed; he was not in the mood for a fight.

"Fine! I will!" Malfoy shouted, not realizing that Harry had insulted him. "Hey—wait—shut up!" It was pointless, though, they were to busy wiping tears of laughter from their eyes. "ARGH! I give up!" He then stormed off to find Hermione.

**_(A/N: I'm not sure if I clarified this or not…but, they're going to be referring to each other as the body they are in, too. Ok? Just so you guys don't get confused.)_**

"HERMIONE!" Malfoy yelled as he stormed into the Room of Requirement.

"Wh—what?" Hermione sniffed from her position in the corner. She was surrounded my boxes upon boxes of tissues.

"We need to talk—about being a "girl."

"What about it?" Hermione asked, while choking back tears.

"Well, you need to learn about…mood swings…chocolate cravings…and feminine hygiene products," Malfoy told her, delicately, as to not upset her more.

"Ack!" Hermione screamed, jumping to attention as all of her sadness dissipated in a flash. It was now replaced by fear and anger.

"You have to learn!"

"NO, I DON'T!" Hermione countered. "Guys aren't supposed to know about that stuff!"

"And why not?" Malfoy prompted, his tone bored.

"Because it's icky!"

"Icky?" Malfoy rolled his yes.

"Yes. I don't want to deal with that."

"You don't have a choice." Malfoy reminded her, "Besides, you, quite literally, wished it upon yourself. You didn't _have_ to make that wish."

"I did it so you would understand that I'm not a bloody death eater, and that my life is not all sunshine and daisies!" Hermione shouted.

"I'd hope not," Malfoy snickered. "Then, you'd have a lot of explaining to do…what with being gay and all…"

"I'm _not_ gay."

"Suuuuurrrreeeee."

"I'm not!"

"Then would you care to explain why you're dressed in women's clothing?"

"You're mean," Hermione pouted.

"Back to business," Malfoy prompted, "have you started bleeding, yet?"

"I just started…that's why I was crying," Hermione said, swallowing every scrap of her pride.

"Ok, well, first. I'm going to cast a spell on you."

"What kind of spell?" Hermione asked, suspiciously.

"One that censors things…like in Muggle Reality TV Shows," Hermione shuddered at the mention of Reality TV. "How they have blurry box things so that you can't see certain stuff…"

"Okaaayyyy…"

"Well, it'll be like that, except it will block everything about the body your in that isn't for your eyes."

"No fair," Hermione pouted.

"You are a perv!" Malfoy yelled, and whacked Hermione in the back of her head, again.

"I'm a _guy_. What did you expect?"

"I _expected_ you to not be a perv."

"You're delusional," Hermione quipped, cheerfully.

"Apparently," Malfoy huffed. "Now be quiet, so I can cast the spell."

"Fine."

"Censorify." **_(A/N: I apologize for my inability of creating spells. Deal with it.)_**

"How the bloody hell do you know spells like that?" Hermione asked him.

"I researched it after I granted your wish."

"I'm glad to see that you trusted me not to look," Hermione said, sardonically.

"I was right, wasn't I?" Malfoy snapped.

"True."

"Back to why I came…" Malfoy said.

"Please, enlighten me."

"This," Malfoy summoned a pad, "is a pad."

"What's that?"

"Are you really _that_ clueless?"

"Maybe."

"Fine. Ok, this is a pad—"

"You said that already, Malfoy."

"Shut up, Granger."

"Fine."

"Anyway. You put it on your underwear and it catches the blood. You have to change it every couple of hours."

"That's _disgusting._" She wrinkled up her nose.

"Just put the bloody thing on—no pun intended."

"Fine," Hermione glared. "Be that way."

"I will."

Hermione came back into the room—an hour later. "What the bloody hell took you so long?!" Malfoy asked.

"Those things are confusing!"

"Oh please," he rolled his eyes.

"It feels like I'm wearing a diaper!" she complained.

"Deal with it."

"_You_ deal with it," Hermione retorted, angrily.

"I do deal with it…for many years, now." She then added, as a side-note. "And, trust me, I'm enjoying this break."

"Sod off." Malfoy laughed at Hermione's anger. "Don't you have anything more _comfortable?_" she asked.

"I highly doubt you could handle it."

"Yes, I could!" Hermione protested.

"You don't know what the alternative is…and I doubt you could even handle hearing about it."

"Try me."

"Okay, if you insist."

Malfoy summoned a tampon and handed it to Hermione. "This is a tampon." He unwrapped it, to reveal a strange contraption, in Hermione's eyes, that is. "Guys tend to over-react when you shoot it at them."

"I _don't_ want to know how you know that," Hermione shuddered.

"Let me demonstrate." Malfoy proceeded to hit the bottom of the tampon so that it came at her face like a grenade.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" she screamed and ran very far away.

"I told you!" he called after her, still giggling.

**_Author's Notes: Yay! A long chapter! I would write more, but my head is pounding. Bye!_**

_**Next Chapter: The joys of cramps.**_

_**Future Events: So, what's it like to be Malfoy?**_


	14. Cramps

**_Author's Notes: Ok, I apologize for the insane wait. I was having a MAJOR writer's block all month. But not to worry, I'm going to write…right now, alright? Haha. Right right right. Um….riiiiiggghhhtt. Now, I have to worry about JKR's copyrights. I don't own any of this stuff. _**

**_Also, just to warn you guys, I might not ever update again. Due to my death. You see, the fates are against as of right now. Because dimes like to bounce into somebody else's ketchup, and my dad likes to choose the one restaurant that my enemy works at, assholes in gym class torturing me, being forced to run a mile with my lax coach right beside me, not allowing me to walk a single step, and not to mention one of my best friends not being in school all week, and the fact that my band teacher won't seat the clarinets, and plus the fact that my email won't work, so I can't communicate with my friends or my cousin, and the fact that I got killed in lacrosse and didn't even bruise!—and the fact that Lacrosse Conditioning is on the same day at the same time as my drum lesson aka the highlight of my week, my Marching Band magnet with a picture of me on it fell when I first got it and cracked at the bottom, and when I came downstairs this morning I found my entire face cracked in half because, once again, someone dropped it, and various other incidents that are attributing to my death. So………if I disappear off the face of the earth, it is not my fault. _**

When I was young I was invincible,  
I find myself now thinking twice,  
I never thought about no future,  
its just the roll of the dice.

But the day may come when you've got something to lose,  
and just when you think you're done paying dues  
And you say to yourself, dear God what Have I done?  
And hope its not too late 'cause tomorrow may never come.

_Chorus:_  
Reach For the Sky, 'cause tomorrow may never come  
Reach For the Sky, 'cause tomorrow may never come

Yesterday is history and tomorrow's a mystery  
But baby right now, its just about you and me,  
You can run you can hide, just like Bonnie and Clyde  
Reach for the sky ain't never gonna die,  
and I thank the Lord for the love I have found  
and hold you tight cause tomorrow may never come.

_Chorus_

So if you please take this moment  
Try if you can make it last  
Don't think about no future and just forget about the past  
and make it last.

_Chorus_

Sorry, I love that song. Anyway, enjoy the story. Oh, btw, buy FLOGGING MOLLY-SWAGGER. It is the most amazing CD ever!

_Chapter 14_

When Malfoy walked into the Great Hall that morning, one of the things he expected to see was a bunch of people sitting around, dead tired, eating breakfast. What he _didn't _expect to see was Hermione sitting at the Gryffindor table crying into Ron's shoulder while Ron had a confused look on his face, awkwardly patting her on the back. "What the bloody hell!" he said under breath, as he walked over to where Hermione was sitting.

_**(A/N: Once again, I would like to tell you another reason I believe the fates are against me. Guess what! As I was saving this file (I had over 2 pages written) my computer decided to stop working and close only Microsoft Word. So, now I lost all of my work. Greaaatt. Maybe I will just stop writing. Apparently, the world hates me.)**_

**_(Great, now I lost my train of thought. Thanks a lot fate! Screw it. I give up)_**

"MALFOY!" she shrieked. "I HATE YOU! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO MAKE ME SUFFER SO MUCH!"

"Hermione, can we talk?" he asked her.

"No," Harry and Ron stated in unison, simply.

"Why not?" Malfoy whined.

"Because last time you tried to hit her!" Harry growled.

"Plus, we hate you…" Ron said, cheerfully.

"No, I'll go." Hermione stood up, gingerly, and walked, like a penguin, past Malfoy and into the hallway.

"Now, please calm down. You're making me look like a psychotic maniac," Malfoy told Hermione.

"Calm down? _Calm down! _CALM DOWN! You're not the one with a diaper on. You're not the one that's bloody! You're not the one who's insides are about to rip out! You're not the one that has a splitting headache! You're not the one that's nauseous!"

"It's not _that _bad. Sure, it feels like hell, but just ignore it."

"How can I _ignore _it! It feels like my bloody insides are bloody going to rip out of my bloody body! _And_ the fact that I've felt 10 times more emotions in the past ten minutes than I have in my _entire life!_"

"Shhhhh. Calm down." Hermione opened her mouth to report, but Malfoy smoothly cut her off. "Look. Let's go to our common room and I'll help you relieve the pain. We'll say we're sick and that we can't go to the first class today. Ok?"

"We can't miss class!" Hermione shouted.

"Yes, we can. We have transfiguration, I'll tell McGonnagal that you were having a feminine emergency."

"But—but…I want chocolate!" she wailed.

"I'll get you chocolate, just be quiet."

"But I'm miserable!" she promptly burst out in tears.

"You're causing a scene," Malfoy hissed under breathe. He took her arm and half-dragged her back to their common room.

"Ok, lay down on the couch," Malfoy commanded her.

"Okay!" she replied happily. Hermione layed down on her back and propped some pillows under her head. She looked relatively calm until she got a sudden stab of pain. Cramps. "Ah! It hurts! AHHH! It's horrible! Save me! I'm going to explode!"

"You're such a drama queen!" Draco shouted to her from their medicine closet.

"You're not the one in pain!"

"I've dealt with this more than enough times, _Hermione._" Draco came out of the closet **_(A/N: Not like that, you retards!) _**and turned to see Hermione laying on her back. "No wonder you're in so much pain. Bloody hell! Turn over."

"What?"

"Don't lay on your back. That only makes it hurt more."

"But it's uncomfy on my side or stomach," she whined.

"You're only making it worse," he said in a sing-songy voice.

"Ugh. Fine." She reluctantly turned off of her back. "No what?"

"Now, you take these." Malfoy stuck out his open hand; there were two pills in it.

"What's that?" she asked suspiciously. "They're muggle pain relievers.

"I don't trust you."

"Fine, Ms. Paranoia. Suffer." Malfoy turned and started to walk away, knowing that it would only be a matter of seconds until Hermione would be beckoning him back.

"WAIT!" Hermione said in a pained voice, "must…have…pain killers."

"Fine." Malfoy walked back to her and gave her 2 advils and a heating pad.

"Let's go," Malfoy said, after checking his watch.

"Go where?"

"To potions," he explained, "we're going to be late soon."

"But I'm sick!"

"No, you have cramps."

"But—"

"Let's go." Malfoy turned and walked out of the room with a spring in his step. Nothing like going to potions in the body of Snape's favorite student.

_**Author's Notes: I meant to make this a lot longer but I feel like shit. So deal with it. Anyway, I have to go run 3 miles and do sprints in about an hour (less actually). So bye.**_

_**Next Chapter: Potions.**_

_**Future Events: Malfoy's life.**_


	15. Potions

Author's Notes: Yay! Thanks to the EosRaven person, I have decided that people actually read and like this story, so I've decided to recontinue it. Yay for me! Also, I finally finished writing my Chicago meets HP fic that I just posted. So, check that out.

Chapter 15 

"Granger!" Snape barked. "You're late!"

"I HAVE CRAMPS!"

"And I care because…" Snape drawled. "50 points from Gryffindor."

"I was 2 bloody seconds late! Malfoy was late, too!"

"Don't talk back to me, Granger." Snape added, "Another 10 points from Gryffindor. And 5 points to Slytherin for putting up with ignorant Gryffindors."

"Bloody git!" Hermione wailed. And then, she promptly burst into tears.

"Ms. Granger!" Snape shouted, "20 points from Gryffindor!"

"Just because you're a bloody greasy git lonely prat monkey nark, doesn't mean you can torture me! I'll have you know, that I'm HAVING MY PERIOD!" Hermione shouted. Malfoy slapped his forehead and started to bang his head against his desk repeatedly. _Why me! Why me! Why is every bloody person in this bloody world against me!_

"Ms. Granger!" Snape growled, "I'll have you know that I will not be tolerating this type of behavior from you.

"Oh my Merlin!" Hermione suddenly grinned.

"What?" Snape asked cautiously, not quite sure if he wanted to know what was going through the, obviously, mentally unstable girl's head.

"I love making Potions! C'mon I want to get started! I love potions! I love this class!" Hermione smiled and promptly burst into a fit of giggles. All Malfoy could do was look at her in horror.

"Hermione!" he hissed. "Sit your arse down! You're embarrassing me!"

"I love you, too!"

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Malfoy bounded up and ran around like a chicken with its head cut off **_(Like Ms. Hess, our guidance counselor huh!). _**

_Guys should not have all these emotions. How can they handle it when the only emotions they deal with are anger and happiness…and hunger…if that's an emotion…_Draco thought.

"SIT!" Snape bellowed. "20 points from Gryffindor!" Hermione started to tear up.

"Oh, stuff it, Granger!" Malfoy retorted to her unspoken objection.

"Today we will be making a truth potion," Snape informed them, in his usual drawl. Malfoy grinned, diabolically.

"Now, the final step is to simply let the Veritaserum cool for 29 minutes." Snape then added, pompously, "of course, some of you," he pointedly looked at Neville and Hermione, "will find this rather_ challenging."_

About 35 minutes later, everyone in the class had their potions in vials and placed them on Snape's desk. "Good," Snape commended Draco, "very good. CLASS DISMISSED!"

"HALLELUJIA!" Hermione yelled and skipped out of the class.

"Um, sir, could I take the rest of my Veritaserum with me?" Draco Malfoy asked, cautiously.

"Well," Snape said, "I suppose so. You are, after all, one of my best students."

"Thank you, sir!" Malfoy grinned and darted out of the room with the potion clutched in his hand.

"Hermione?" Draco called. He had just entered their common room.

"Yeah?" came the sad-sounding reply.

"Um…I made us both chocolate milkshakes," Malfoy told her.

"CHOCOLATE!"

"I take that as a thank-you."

"I'll be down in a minute!" Hermione yelled from her room.

Author's Notes: wow-reaaallly short. W/e. 5 points to whoever can guess what's wrong w/ the milkshakes…not that difficult for those of you with more than 1 brain cell.

**_Review! Check out The Singing Sensations! _**


	16. Veritaserum

_**Author's Notes: Slaygal166, Pheonixtamer150, AquariusClarinetus, and Niwrem all get 5 points. Congratulatoins…you're more intelligent that George W. Bush.**_

_**I don't own it.**_

_**Review.**_

Chapter 16 

"Are you coming?" Hermione called to Malfoy. Hermione was sitting in front of the fire, waiting for the milkshakes—impatiently. "I want chocolate. Please, hurry!"

"Hold your Hippogriffs, I'm coming," Malfoy's exasperated voice came from the other room. He stepped into the Common Room with two very large chocolate milkshakes that were topped with whip-cream. **_(A/N: mmmm)_** Hermione held out her hand and took her milkshake from him. She eagerly gulped it down as Malfoy smiled, mischievously. "Good?"

"Very." After a few minutes, Hermione had successfully inhaled her milkshake and was now experiencing the after effects of eating ice cream at such an alarming rate—brain freeze. "Cold, cold, cold," she chanted. Malfoy chuckled.

"Ok, _Hermione,_" Malfoy began, "I have a few questions for you."

"And—cold—what's your—cold—point?" She asked, pausing to add some whining.

"Well, firstly," Malfoy stated, "are you a death eater?"

"No."

"Do you want to be one?"

"No."

"Are you—er—bloodist?" he finished lamely, still wondering what the proper term would be…racist, sexist, biased?

"Not anymore."

"Are you gay?"

"I RESENT THAT!"

"Well, you _do _spend a lot of time on your appearance…" Malfoy reminded her.

"So?" Hermione smirked while adding, "Just because _some _of us look like zombies in the morning, doesn't mean all of us do…"

"Shut up."

"No."

"What is your favorite color?" Draco asked.

"Pink—no blue!"

"What is your quest?" he questioned.

"To seek the Genie Lamp."

"What is the average air speed velocity of a swallow?"

"African or European?" Hermione wondered aloud.

"I don't know that!"

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Hermione yelled. "What does this have to do with anything!"

"It doesn't."

"Hey, you put truth potion in my drink!" she accused.

"Not the sharpest crayon in the box, are we?"

"Shut up."

"No."

"I wish you weren't a genie! This never would have happened otherwise!"

"Wish granted," Malfoy grinned. The world as we never knew it, morphed into J.K. Rowling's universe, and they all lived miserably, ever after. The End.

Author's Notes: That's right: end. Deal with it. No more crappy story, no more crappy story, lalalalalala. LA! NEE! NEE! NEE!

_**Review!**_

_**Now!**_

_**I said review!**_

_**Why are you still reading this crap?**_

_**Review!**_

_**Now!**_

_**NEE!**_

_**Nee!**_

_**Ooooooooooooooo skit time!**_

_**And now, for something COMPLETELY different:**_

_Merv: Stupid song is in my head._

_Me: Which one?_

_Merv: It's embarrassing._

_Annwa: Why?_

_Merv: Because it's a very SPECIAL song…_

_Jordan: You mean like a period special?_

_John: AH! I'm scarred!_

_Liz: Haha._

_Me: So what song…_

_Annwa: RAPPPPEE MEEEE!_

_Liz:……um…_

_Annwa: Sorry, it's been in my head for a while…_

_Merv: I LOOOVEEE ALLLWAAAYYYYS! _

_Me: Thanks, Merv._

_Liz: You're insane. _

_Katy: No, really?_

_Me: F & G FOREVER!_

_Merv, Annwa, and Liz: AHHHHHHH_

_Jewison: I'm too nice to point out how idiotic you people are…_

_All: WE LOVE YOU!_

_Jewison:…_

_Andy: HI HI HI HI HI!_

_Me: SPAZOID! SHUT UP!_

_Paul: AH! KETCHUP IS IN MY EYE!_

_Travis: **emotionally scarring information**_

_Elena: I don't get it…_

_Liz: TOMIKA WELLING!_

_Merv: HE wants you, Liz!_

_Lauren: I'm a republican. Ann Coulter isn't that bad._

_Me: **twitch spasm dry heaves has a heart attack** WHY?_

_Merv: AFD! Haha._

_Me: HALLELUJIA!_

_Annwa: That was funny._

_Liz: SWING A LITTLE MORE ON THE DEVILS DANCE FLOOR!_

_Merv: I LOOOOVEEE ALWAYS!_

_John: AAAHHHH_

_Annwa: Want a crayon?_

_All: I need the bugger so I can see!_


End file.
